Memento Mori [Timo & Mathias]

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

“Ya feelin’ okay?” Berwald asked worriedly, putting an arm around his old mother to support some of her weight. “Yes, I’m fine… Sorry, I just started feeling… a little dizzy… But we’re almost there so don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I want to get to your father as quickly as possible,” Atalie said quietly, gently pushing her son’s arm away. “Yer breathin’s kind’f shallow. Lemme help ya walk, Moth’r,” the tall blond said insistently, trying to wrap his arm around her again. “I’ll be fine, Berwald,” she said tersely as she moved away, ignoring how her son visibly flinched at her straightforward rejection. The tall blond bit his lip, so stunned that he didn’t follow after his mother right away. He watched her struggle to walk at a normal pace for a moment before moving to trail behind her. His mother had been acting so distant these past few days. He’d never seen her like this in his entire life and it was extremely unsettling. All he could really do for now was let her know he was there for her… no matter how bad things might get.

They were nearing the flu camp now and Berwald couldn’t help internally cursing how far away it was from home. Traveling back and forth to this place had put a large amount of strain on his mother’s body. He wished he could tell her to stay at home but… with Father in a possibly life-threatening condition, there was no way she’d agree to such a request. The bespectacled man could feel dread pooling icily inside him at just the thought of his father. He was sure that he’d never felt more useless in his life. He couldn’t work, couldn’t comfort his mother, couldn’t do anything that might make his father get better. On their way to the tent Emil was staying in, a frightened-looking volunteer came up to them and said that he’d been moved. Berwald quickly asked why and the volunteer yelped fearfully and simply told them to follow him. They walked in silence until they reached what felt like the very back of the camp. The volunteer wordlessly gestured to a small tent and left.

They walked up to it, still not saying anything, and hesitated before going in. Something inside of him had been expecting it but the sight of boils starting to form on his sleeping father’s skin still brought a fierce stinging to his eyes. He blinked back his tears, feeling his knees going weak. When he heard his mother break out into soft sobs right next to him, she sounded so far away. He reached out to her in an attempt to comfort her somehow but she moved away from him once more. “I-I’m sorry, s-sweetheart,” she mumbled weakly, shaking her head softly as tears rolled down her face. She went over to her husband and took his hand. Berwald stood still, looking at his parents with a pained expression on his face. How could this be happening to them? Finding himself unable to muster the strength to go to his father’s bedside yet, he buried his face in hands, trying desperately to absorb the situation. His father was… going to die. He took a deep, shuddering breath and fished his phone out of his pocket. He had to tell Timo. He needed to see Timo as soon as possible.

About two hours later, Emil finally woke up. He laughed tiredly upon seeing his wife’s tear-streaked face. “Oh, darlin’, ya know I hate it when ya cry,” he said quietly, slowly raising his free hand to cup her cheek gently. “E-Emil… You idiot,” Atalie choked out, tightening her grip on his hand. “Fath’r,” Berwald mumbled urgently, hurriedly standing up from the rickety chair he’d been sitting on in the corner of the tent. “Berwald… Come ov’r here, son,” the old man said, smiling a little. The tall blond swallowed nervously and nodded before walking over to his parents. He kneeled down right next to the bed and leaned into his father slightly. “I’m… so sorry, you two. There’s so much… I want ta say but… I dunno where ta start,” Emil said softly, looking like he might start crying, too. “Oh, Emil,” Atalie murmured, sounding scared. She leaned in closer to her husband and buried her face in his chest, her shoulders shaking from poorly contained sobs. “I’m so… tired,” Emil said, closing his eyes. “Fath’r, no! P-please… please stay,” Berwald said, his tone noticeably desperate. “Jus’… fer a little bit, kiddo. I’ll wake up lat’r. I promise,” his father said, smiling. And with that, he went back to sleep.

Nearly another two hours later, Berwald received a reply from Timo. His heart still felt so heavy but just the thought of being able to see Timo comforted him a great deal. He texted Timo back, saying he’d wait for him at the entrance of the flu camp. “Moth’r, ‘m goin’ ta meet with Timo an’ bring him here,” he said, his voice so quiet that he was almost whispering. “Okay, that sounds nice. I’ll wait for you right here, sweetheart,” she replied, not turning away from her sleeping husband. Berwald didn’t say anything more and silently left the tent. He arrived at the entrance earlier than Timo so he opted to… brood some more while waiting. He just had far too much on his mind… and with good reason as well, he figured.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

It hadn’t been a good day. Two of the patients that Timo had been looking over had gone into stage three, and one of them had died during his shift. It kept him busy, though, staying close to the family and giving them what comfort he could, then helping to clean and disinfect the bed that she’d been in. It always upset him, losing one of the people that he’d been caring for. He got attached too easily; his father had told him that before. But as a volunteer part of his job was to be friendly and keep the patients spirits up, so maybe it wasn’t all his own fault.

Finally finding a moment to himself, he sat down in a corner and took a deep breath. To distract himself, he pulled out his phone, and smiled to see he had a text from Berwald. That’d cheer him up! As he read it, though, shock filled him. That—that couldn’t be right! Not Emil! He was so full of life. He couldn’t imagine Berwald’s house without him. Tears were already starting to form in Timo’s eyes as he sent his reply, and after he did, he curled up into himself, crying softly. This wasn’t fair! Why Emil? Why anyone? Why wasn’t there a cure? Timo felt that if he could have just one wish then it would be to save everyone from suffering.

He felt Berwald’s reply came in, but had to take a moment to rub tears out of his eyes to read it. He sniffed as his vision cleared, and once he’d read it, he pushed himself up. Slipping into the bathroom, he washed his face, though it took a little while to try and get the red to leave his eyes. When it was a little less obvious that he’d been crying he headed out to find the doctor in charge to let him know that he was leaving early, and then with a heavy heart, set out to find Berwald. He didn’t know what he could say to him. What help would he be able to be to Berwald? Surely he should be with Atalie, spending what time they had left with Emil as a family.

When Timo saw Berwald, though, he forgot all of that, and ran to him. He wrapped his arms tight around him, even though he had to stand on tiptoes, and another little sob emerged. “Oh Berwald!” He suddenly realised that he hadn’t seen him since all of this started, and he held him closer as all the stress and worry that had been building up without Timo noticing finally fell away. As long as he was with Berwald, nothing too bad could happen. Squeezing him in for a moment, Timo finally released him and stood back a little, worriedly looking over him. “Are you all right? You look tired… oh Ber, I’m so sorry.” Timo threw himself at his friend again, hugging him in, holding him as protectively as he could given that he was a good head shorter than Berwald. “I only just got your text or I would have come earlier.”

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

Berwald was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice Timo running to him. When he felt his friend’s arms wrap around him in a tight embrace, however, he didn’t hesitate to hug back. He felt his eyes beginning to sting harshly again so he took a small, shaky breath in an attempt to calm himself. He didn’t want to cry in front of the younger man because he was afraid of worrying him even more than he had already. But… he really wasn’t alright, was he? He felt so lost just from the small blond releasing his hold on him. He had never been more vulnerable in his entire life. The tall blond nearly let out a small sob of relief when the other man embraced him again. He slumped slightly into his friend’s smaller frame as he buried his face in his shoulder. He held Timo closer to him, realizing that he’d been craving for something like this, for actual comfort ever since his father’s condition started worsening, ever since his mother started distancing herself from him.

“S’okay. Yer h-here now… ’m s-sorry… Can I… stay like this… j-jus’ fer a little long’r?” Berwald asked quietly, his words slightly muffled since he hadn’t raised his head from Timo’s shoulder yet. He’d been holding in all his pain, worry and confusion for too long. Everything was rushing out so fast now and fighting his tears back quickly became impossible. He briefly lifted his head to remove his glasses and, for the first time in several years, started crying. Much like how he smiled and laughed, the way he wept was reserved. Even if he hadn’t been using Timo’s shoulder to stifle himself, he still would’ve been very silent. Other than the soft, shallow gulps of air he couldn’t help taking in, he made no noise. “’m sorry,” he choked out weakly, finding himself unable to stop shedding tears, no matter how much he kept guiltily reminding himself that he must have been ruining his friend’s clothes. He’d been thinking about nothing other than his father all morning but it was only now that the severity of the situation hit him full force. He was going to lose his father forever. He unconsciously tightened his grip on the small blond. “Timo… Timo,” he breathed out, sounding pained.

After what seemed like a long time, Berwald stopped crying. He reluctantly let go of Timo and stepped back a bit to gingerly rub the wetness from his eyes with the back of his hand. He was still holding onto his glasses, averse to putting them back on until he regained his composure. He sniffed softly as he shifted his gaze to stare at the ground, looking a bit like he was spacing out since he couldn’t focus on anything properly without his glasses. After such an uncharacteristic display of emotion, he honestly had no idea what to say.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

Surprised by Berwald’s reaction when he hugged him again, Timo realised that he didn’t have to hold back. He tightened his hold on Berwald and held him in closer, supporting him. At least he was stronger than he looked, strong enough at least to let Berwald slump against him like that. Surprisingly, he found it easy to fit himself in against Berwald’s body, no longer feeling even a little hint of fear. It was probably best that way, he thought. After all, there was nothing about Berwald to be scared about. “Of course, for as long as you need.” He reassured him, squeezing him in closer.

As Berwald removed his glasses, though, Timo felt a little stab of fear, not of Berwald, but for him. Feeling the wetness on his shoulder, his breath caught, and he felt tears stinging at his eyes again. Ignoring them to focus on Berwald, he held him against himself, stroking his back softly as he attempted to curl around him protectively. How he wished he could take all of Berwald’s pain away! It seemed to physically hurt Timo to see his normally strong friend broken down to this extent. “It’s all right… it’ll be all right.” He murmured into his friend’s ear soothingly, although as he did he felt a stab of guilt. It wouldn’t be all right, and things wouldn’t be all right ever again. He squeezed Berwald in closer, hiding his own face in Berwald’s hair. “We’ll get through this.” He promised instead.

He didn’t know if he was relieved or not when Berwald pulled away. Timo quickly brushed a little bit of moisture from his own eyes, before taking Berwald’s arm and gently guiding him to a bench in a slightly more secluded area, where they could have a little more privacy. He sat him down there, but stayed standing for a moment as he fished in his pockets. Sure enough, he came out with tissues that he had in there from earlier on, and selecting a clean one he offered it to Berwald with a small smile. It wasn’t pitying or judging, but sympathetic, filled with Timo’s own pain. Finally sitting down next to him, Timo wrapped his arm around Berwald’s waist, maintaining their closeness. “There’s nothing wrong with crying, you know.” He murmured. “I cried myself to sleep for months after my mother died.” He couldn’t imagine Berwald doing that, and it wasn’t something that Timo was necessarily proud of, but he wanted to let Berwald know that he didn’t mind and wouldn’t judge him if he did cry around him.

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

Being held by Timo like this, Berwald wanted nothing more than to simply forget about all of his pain and problems and worries. He wished that the whole world around them would just disappear so that maybe the ache in his chest would go away as well. As immature as it sounded, he didn’t want to face the brutal harshness of reality. But the feel of his friend gently stroking his back and the sound of him speaking softly into his ear anchored him to what he had to accept. He couldn’t deny that he was afraid but he knew that, somewhere inside him, he had the strength to get past this. Everything still hurt so much and would probably keep hurting for a long while but he at least felt sure now that he would heal someday. And though he would not heal completely and perfectly, for no one could ever take the place of his father, he’d still be okay. It was Timo’s promise of ‘we’ that further convinced him and solidified his resolve. He was not alone. He took a shuddering breath, letting more tears fall as he held the small blond even closer to him.

Though he still hadn’t put his glasses back on, the tall blond could tell that Timo was leading him to a bench. He sat down, feeling relieved because it had felt as though his legs were about to give way. He stayed silent, afraid that if he spoke up, he’d start crying again. Berwald leant in closely to his friend, thoroughly observing the expression on his face for a moment before accepting the tissue he’d been offered. His friend’s smile was both saddening and comforting. He could easily see the pain and understanding in his expressive eyes. Timo knew exactly how he felt because he had lost not only a parent but also a grandparent. He slowly wiped away the rest of the wetness in his eyes with the tissue. Berwald let out a soft sigh of relief when he felt the younger man wrap an arm around his waist. He inwardly hoped that the small blond would continue staying this close; it felt like he sorely needed it.

“S’good ya think so. Prob’bly goin’ ta be doin’ a lot’f tha’ fer a while,” he said quietly, half-joking, half-serious. He felt terrible to hear that Timo had been in so much pain for so long. He wished he had known him back then so that he could’ve comforted him. The idea of his friend as a young child, crying himself to sleep for months caused his heart to ache even more. “’m sorry. Wish I could’ve been there fer ya. Like how yer here fer me now,” he whispered sadly. He let out a soft, weary sigh, lazily cleaning his glasses and putting them back on. “’m sorry, Timo. I feel like… such a burd’n… But ‘m happy an’ so thankf’l yer here. I can’t… can’t make it through all this without ya,” the tall blond admitted, his voice almost inaudible. He slouched a little and rested his head tiredly on the small blond’s shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t mind too much. “’m sorry,” he couldn’t help mumbling again.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

It was nice to feel Berwald leaning into him. Timo was reassured to know that the physical affection was all right. He was pretty sure that there weren’t any words that were the right words to say, so he had to fall back on the physical affection. He smiled fondly when Berwald said that he wished he’d been there when Timo was younger, and leant in closer. “But you were!” He said, a faint blush forming on his cheeks. “I mean, when I met you I was still crying. It was because I had you that I started to feel better.” And that was the truth of the matter. At the time he hadn’t really noticed, he’d been so distracted by Berwald, it had only been a couple of months later when he’d realised that he was happy again and wasn’t crying any more. It had been quite a nice shock, really.

Of course, Timo didn’t mind at all when Berwald laid his head on his shoulder. In fact, he rested his head on top of Berwald’s as he held him in, relaxing like that. It felt a little awkward to hold him as Berwald was so much bigger, but at the same time, it felt nice to be the strong one for once. So often around Berwald Timo felt weak and feminine, and it bothered him. He was already far too aware of how feminine he looked. He couldn’t forget when people kept thinking he was a girl on the street or little old ladies in the café told him how pretty he was. Pushing that away for now, he focused on Berwald, turning to nose into his hair softly. “You’re not a burden, not at all.” He promised. “This is what friends are for. I couldn’t just leave you! I won’t leave you. I’ll be here for as long as you need me, and longer.” He chuckled then, squeezing Berwald in. “In fact, you’ll probably have to kick me out sooner or later for some privacy.”

A little cautiously, Timo stroked Berwald’s side, glancing at him to see how he reacted. He was beginning to realise that he didn’t really know where normal affection ended. Although he had lots of acquaintances that he was very fond of, there was no one else in his life like Berwald. And because he’d never had a girlfriend, or really any kind of interest in a relationship or sex at all, he didn’t know what counted as more intimate. Still, he was still comfortable like this; it was just a matter of whether Berwald was, since Timo was sure he’d have a better understanding of matters than he did. “Do you think you’re ready to go back now?” He asked, gently. “We could go through the cafeteria and get coffee and something for Atalie, too.” He felt certain that both Berwald and Atalie wouldn’t have been looking after themselves properly, and as an outsider he decided that it would be his task to take care of them.

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

“Really?” Berwald breathed out, sounding amazed. It was really quite upsetting that Timo had been in pain for that long but he was glad that he’d been able to help him move on somehow. “Wish I’d met ya soon’r, then,” he amended quietly. “So tha’ ya wouldn’t’ve had ta hurt fer tha’ long.”

Berwald was relieved to feel the younger man rest his head against his, it meant that he didn’t mind this extra bit of physical contact. Had he been aware of Timo’s insecurity, he would’ve objected immediately to the negative thoughts the small blond had about himself. He couldn’t deny that his friend had a feminine look about him but that wasn’t entirely a bad thing. He honestly thought it was charming and pleasant. However, the fact of the matter was that, despite Timo’s outward appearance, Berwald believed him to be a very strong person. He had found it apparent in the way he stayed optimistic no matter what, the way he showed everyone he met such kindness, the way he wasn’t afraid to smile regardless of how unfairly life might’ve been treating him. He found himself especially sure of his friend’s strength now. He was feeling more helpless and afraid than he could ever remember being but Timo was giving him the strength he needed to face… his father’s imminent death.

The tall blond blushed lightly at the feel of his friend gently nosing into his hair. It felt nice and comfortingly intimate. The younger man’s words were just as reassuring and they effectively eased the guilt in Berwald’s heart. He definitely didn’t want Timo to stay by his side out of forced obligation. “Wouldn’t kick ya out,” he mumbled, a little bewildered by the idea. He was completely sure that both his parents would appreciate the small blond’s presence. And he himself certainly wanted to keep his friend close so the thought to ask him to leave for the sake of privacy hadn’t even occurred to him. He suddenly realized, though, that Timo might very well be the one who ended up having trouble staying in their presence. He had a feeling that as soon as his father woke up again, he would start saying… saying his goodbyes. The younger blond, though an outsider to their family, wouldn’t be invading their privacy at all. In fact, Berwald deeply wanted him to be there. However, Timo’s feelings were another matter. “Oh, but… in case ya start feelin’… uncomf’rtable or somethin’, ya can always leave the tent… Jus’ don’t… don’t go too far off, please? S’tha’ okay? I’d need ta see ya again,” he said quietly.

Berwald let out a low hum, enjoying the way Timo was stroking his side softly. He closed his eyes slowly, suddenly aware of how tired he felt. The stress and worry he’d been dealing with the past few days had caused him to lose a lot of sleep. His friend’s warmth was inviting and soothing. He felt so safe like this. A tiny part of him found this kind of intimacy to be too much for regular friends but a much larger part didn’t care because Timo wasn’t a regular friend of his anyway. Timo was special. He couldn’t help thinking, though, that this level of intimacy was better suited to a pair of lovers. He blushed a little at that thought but figured he couldn’t be completely sure anyway. The closest thing he’d ever had to a romantic relationship was a confession of love he’d gotten from a girl he’d known when he was fifteen. All that had really done, though, was make him realize he had no taste for women.

“’kay, tha’ sounds good,” Berwald murmured. He nuzzled into Timo’s shoulder gently before opening his eyes and slowly lifting his head. He didn’t make a move to get up until the younger man did so first.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

Realising that Berwald was just offering that in case Timo felt uncomfortable, Timo smiled affectionately. Berwald was so sweet to think about him like that. “I won’t go out of hearing distance.” He promised, and then paused. “Um. And. Since I’m not working at the moment, and the doctor here said I can take as long as I need, if you want I can come home with you as well. I might have to head home to get a change of clothes, but I promise I won’t be too long!” He would make his excuses and escape home by himself if that was the case, though, since he was still a bit shy about showing Berwald where he lived. Even the tower block wasn’t really in that good shape, so he wouldn’t want to leave Berwald outside either.

Amused that Berwald agreed with him, but didn’t move, Timo tucked himself in closer, squeezing him softly. He was oddly cute like this, and Timo found himself disappointed that it had taken such a horrible thing to allow him to see this side of Berwald. He gave his side one more soft stroke before reluctantly pulling away enough to stand up. As soon as Berwald was up as well, he offered him his hand and moved in close again, maintaining their contact as Berwald seemed to be taking comfort from it. “The coffee here’s surprisingly good!” He said, happily, as he led the way, the maze of old buildings and tents now familiar to him. “You should probably get something to eat as well, if you think you can manage it.” He looked at Berwald with a little bit of a frown. “I bet you haven’t been looking after yourself properly.” Ah well, he’d be more than happy to take care of both Atalie and Berwald for as long as they needed him. He could remember how his dad had let himself go after his mother had died, and he wasn’t going to let that happen again.

Fortunately the cafeteria wasn’t too busy, and Timo made a quiet noise of thought, getting his wallet out and looking in it. As a volunteer he’d get his coffee for free, but he wanted to offer to buy Berwald’s and Atalie’s. There was nothing in there, though, just a few coppers, and Timo sighed, putting it away again. “I don’t have any money on me, sorry.” He said, glancing at Berwald. “They might give it to you for free because you’re with me, but…” Well, everyone was stretched right now, as everything had been closed down. Pulling Berwald into the queue, he pointed at the board that had a few items written down. It was a pretty basic menu, a couple of cooked meals, sandwiches, and then flapjacks as a dessert or snack if people wanted. “The cakes are always good.” Timo said, cheerfully. “Melissa makes them. She said she was going to try putting jam in with the flapjacks.”

As they reached the front of the queue, Timo waved happily to the slightly tired looking girl working there. She smiled in return, brushing her long, curly hair back behind an ear. “Hello, Timo. Black coffee?”

“Yes, please, Melissa!” As usual, Timo seemed on friendly terms with everyone that he’d spent any time with. “And, um, is there any chance that…?”

She looked at Berwald, but then quailed slightly under his gaze, doing her best not to show it. “Um, is this…?”

“Yep! This is Berwald!” Timo said, happily.

She looked unsure, and glanced around, but then smiled at Timo. “All right, fine, but you owe me one. Berwald, what do you want?” She asked, as she turned to make a start on Timo’s coffee, putting a flapjack onto a plate for Timo even though he hadn’t asked for one. Like at the café where his charisma usually brought him benefits in the form of tips, here he’d gotten a friend who was worried enough about him to give him a few perks whenever no one was looking.

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

“Y-yes, ‘kay… Tha’d be nice. I’d like tha’,” Berwald mumbled shakily, somehow managing to look both bewildered and relieved. He couldn’t deny that home hadn’t been feeling very much like home ever since they had moved his father to the flu camp. With his father absent and his mother doing her best to avoid him as much as possible, their house felt cold and empty. He found the mere idea of Timo being there to be significantly reassuring. That specific thought, however, ultimately led him to a question: How long would he be staying? The older man absently began to wonder how much time the small blond was willing to give up just so he could stay with him. He at least knew that his friend wasn’t doing all this out of pity. In fact, the younger man had just said that he couldn’t just leave him, that he wouldn’t. Yet he could still feel the beginnings of immense guilt gnawing insistently at his insides… He could rely on Timo, though, couldn’t he? He felt bad about burdening the other man with his problems but it looked like the younger blond truly wanted to help him bear the weight on his shoulders. It took a bit of struggling but Berwald was able to push his guilt away for the moment.

The bespectacled man didn’t hesitate to take the hand Timo had offered, inwardly thankful that they could stay close. He hummed softly at the mention of coffee. A nice, strong cup of black coffee would be absolutely wonderful. The younger man was right, though. He’d have to eat something first. Strong coffee would burn a hole through his sensitive stomach, which was currently quite empty as well. The problem was that he really didn’t have much of an appetite at the moment. He hoped that a few bites of a sandwich or something would be enough to let his stomach handle coffee. However, it was probably best that he didn’t eat too much for now; he might come to have trouble keeping his food down later on. Berwald blushed softly at his friend’s last comment that essentially hit the nail on the head. “Not really, no,” he admitted quietly. Since he’d been so focused on trying to take care of both his parents, he hadn’t bothered to take care of himself properly. He’d been skipping meals, losing sleep and doing more chores than his exhausted body could handle. It was a bit of a wonder that he didn’t reach the second stage of the flu.

When they arrived at the cafeteria, Berwald was glad to note that it wasn’t so busy. He was a little surprised to hear Timo say that they might give him food for free out of his association with him. That would have been nice but he didn’t want to abuse other people’s kindness or put further strain on the flu camp’s supplies. He let the small blond pull him into the queue and quickly looked over what was written on the board. He merely let out a soft grunt in reply to the other man. Flapjacks with jam sounded nice. His mother would definitely enjoy having something like that to eat. He wasn’t sure if she’d accept anything he got her, though. Lately, she had been rather adamant about fully taking care of herself. He figured he’d buy her something anyway and just hope she’d take it.

Berwald let his gaze fall on the curly-haired girl Timo was speaking to. She looked a little tired. He noticed her tremble slightly under his stare but that honestly wasn’t anything new to him. He also saw how she tried to hide it, though, and thought it was nice of her. He turned back to his friend, a little surprised at what his words implied. Had the younger man really spoken about him with this girl? When Melissa addressed him, he faced her again, looking slightly more surprised than before. Did that mean…? Him, too? It didn’t seem likely but… “Uh. Coffee? Black, please… An’ a t’na sandw’ch. A flapjack, too, ‘f tha’s okay,” Berwald mumbled sheepishly. Well, regardless of whatever Timo and Melissa had just agreed upon, he took out his wallet anyway. He honestly didn’t have the heart to accept free food this way, especially when he knew he could manage to pay for it himself. Besides, there were so many sick, hungry people in the camp. The volunteers probably couldn’t afford to hand out free food to just anyone.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

Timo was pleased that Berwald took his offer. It meant that he’d be able to look after him properly, as well as help Atalie around the house, which she’d probably need. He’d more than happily take over the chores by himself if he thought that it would help. “I’ll stay for as long as you need or want me then.” He promised softly, looking at Berwald. He meant that. He fully intended on keeping him as safe as he could.

“You should take care of yourself, you know.” Timo told him gently when Berwald admitted that he hadn’t been. “You’re still recovering yourself. I know no one’s had a second bout yet, but I don’t want you to be the first.” Still, Timo was here now, and he would do his best to look after Berwald from now on. That was what he was here for, after all. He was glad that he’d got it so early on so that he didn’t have to worry and could focus on Berwald and his family.

To be honest, most of the staff looked a little tired. There were too few of them and too many patients. Even with people like Timo giving up as much time as they were able (and Timo realised with a little pang of guilt that he probably wouldn’t be giving any more time until Berwald didn’t need him any more) there just weren’t people to go around. “Of course, that’s fine.” Melissa said, moving to add them to a tray for the pair. Noticing Berwald’s wallet, she smiled. “Don’t worry about it. All the volunteers get an allowance, and Timo never spends his.”

“Except on coffee.” Timo agreed with a laugh. Like Berwald, he didn’t like taking from the over stretched camp. Recently, though, he had been eating more here, as he ran out of food at home, but he figured this once couldn’t hurt, as Berwald needed something and his finances were probably just as stretched as Timo’s right now. Finishing up their coffees, she then made Berwald’s sandwich and then pushed the tray over towards them. Pulling out a clipboard, she flipped right to the back, finding where Timo’s name was. She noted down what he’d had, then passed it back for the small blonde to sign, and he did willingly. “I’ll see you later.” He said, waving before picking up their tray and walking away with Berwald. “Shall we find somewhere to sit, or…” He glanced in the direction of the rooms where patients in the third stage were kept. He didn’t know if Berwald wanted to go back yet or not.

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

Berwald nodded softly at the younger blond’s promise, feeling indescribably grateful that he had such a wonderful, caring friend. “Yer always so good ta me, Timo,” he murmured thankfully, inwardly thinking to himself that he didn’t deserve all this, that he didn’t deserve such kindness. He then found himself absently pondering the other man’s words. If he could have his way, Timo would be staying with him in his house for much longer than necessary. He’d ask the small blond to come live with him if he could be sure of a positive response. His mind then inadvertently flitted back to wondering about how long the younger man would be willing to stay with him. If Timo was coming home with them later, that meant he’d be staying the night, right? Well, at least that’s what he hoped it meant. It’d be nice to have the other blond over for that long. Still, it was extremely kind of him to offer coming over at all. He’d be happy whether or not Timo left at the end of the day to go home to his own flat. He really would prefer it if his friend slept over, though.

“Hn, yer right. ‘m sorry. Jus’ been… distracted an’ stuff,” the tall blond explained awkwardly. Somehow, he had managed to essentially ignore his entire bout of flu. He’d been – was still – too worried about the state his father was in to care about his own health. He had even been able to feign being well around his mother so that she wouldn’t worry so much. She had known that he’d caught the flu as well, of course, but he’d been quite good at faking that it wasn’t getting to him so much.

“S’it really okay? Don’t wanna impose,” Berwald mumbled, looking a little embarrassed. He couldn’t help feeling a bit reluctant. After all, he wasn’t even a volunteer. Plus, he didn’t want to use up Timo’s allowance; it should be his to spend on himself. Still, he’d be lying if he said he couldn’t use a free meal. It’d been days since he last earned any Sol and, as a result, his family was currently living on a very tight budget. Watching the small blond sign what was on the clipboard Melissa handed to him, the older man decided to give in. He reluctantly put his wallet away, feeling both grateful and guilty. “Thanks,” he said quietly, giving the curly-haired volunteer a tiny nod before walking away with Timo. “Thank ya, too… Ya should spend more’f yer allowance on yerself, though,” he told his friend gently, recalling what Melissa had said earlier. “Oh, d’ya want me ta carry tha’ fer ya by the way?” he asked, gesturing to the tray of food in the younger man’s hands. “Since most of it’s fer me an’ Moth’r anyway.”

“Let’s go see m’parents. Got a bad feel’n tha’ Moth’r’s fall’n asleep ‘lready,” Berwald said, sounding worried. “She’s been doin’ tha’ a lot. She kneels next ta Fath’r’s bed, rests ‘er head next ta his an’ then jus’… falls asleep like tha’,” he explained, his chest tightening painfully from just talking about it. “S’cause she… doesn’t sleep much at home. She tries ta avoid their bed, their room,” he mumbled almost inaudibly, unconsciously biting on his lip. “Come on, ‘ll lead the way,” he said after pausing for a moment. When they finally reached his father’s tent and entered it, Berwald found that he’d been right. Atalie had fallen asleep while sitting on the ground, her head next to Emil’s on his pillow. Neither of them were awake but they were holding hands.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

“That’s understandable, but I’m here now. I’ll look after you.” Timo said, cheerfully. “You and your parents. So you don’t have to worry any more.” He could at least take that burden off Berwald’s back and allow him to take some time to himself. He’d need it, Timo thought. By the way he was telling him that Atalie was reacting she would too. Even if it meant doing all the chores in the house and dropping his volunteering job, Timo would see them through this.

Pleased when Berwald gave in, Timo smiled at him. “I do, but normally we’re busy and it’s difficult to find time to have a proper meal, so I just get a coffee instead. Or a coffee and a cake if I have a bit more time.” It was true, normally he was running around all over the place, but that was partly his own fault. He got so attached to people that he’d run back and forward to try and check on them. He’d stay longer than he was meant to more often than not, but that was just because he was used to working a lot, and it felt weird to be at home not doing anything. He had finally caught up on sleep, though, and he looked brighter for it. Pulling the tray away from Berwald, out of his reach, he smiled up at him. “No, I’m looking after you now.” He said, grinning. “You’ll have to get used to it.” Honestly, it didn’t matter who it was for, it wasn’t as though it was heavy.

Timo’s smile faded a little to hear how Atalie was doing, though. “I wish we could move another bed in or something.” He said, frowning. “But there’s so few to go around anyway.” He felt bad that there wasn’t much he could do. “We can at least find some pillows and a blanket for her, that’ll make things a bit better.” If only he had a proper flat, he’d invite Atalie and Berwald to stay with him instead so that Atalie wouldn’t have to avoid sleeping like that. His flat was closer to the camp as well, so that would be better. Timo let Berwald lead the way, knowing what to expect, but knowing that it wouldn’t make it any easier.

It didn’t. He held back a pained noise as they entered. It felt awful to see Emil and Atalie whom he loved so much like this, to know that Atalie and Berwald only had limited time left with Emil. He put the tray down on the table and scooted forward, gently wrapping the blanket around Emil a bit better, then touching his forehead, feeling his temperature. “I’ll go and get Atalie a blanket.” Timo murmured as he pulled away, but before he left he took Berwald’s hand and squeezed it softly. “I’ll only be a moment.” Sure enough, he was back again almost before he left, already unfolding the blanket, which he wrapped over Atalie’s shoulders.

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

“Sounds like ya’ve been work’n hard here,” Berwald commented softly, sounding fond. Timo was the kindest person he knew so picturing him caring for sick people was very easy. “Sort’f feels like there’re too many’f the sick an’ too few vol’nteers, though. Hope ya haven’t been tirin’ yerself out,” he said worriedly. He’d been wanting to volunteer as well but… considering how things were going for him and his family, that wasn’t very likely to happen. He blinked a little at Timo’s teasing grin, feeling the immense weight on his heart lighten a little. He just grunted quietly in reply, unable to help the way his lips twitched upwards. It was just barely a smile but it was the most genuine one he’d had on his face in days. Berwald was sure he’d remember the past week and the next ones to come as one of the darkest times in his life. Though he knew he’d also remember that he had a light, a bright one that would eventually guide him out of the darkness. Timo was his light.

The tall blond felt his chest begin to ache even more as he watched his parents sleep. Out of what was probably fear, he didn’t step much closer to them for the moment. He silently watched Timo approach them, sadness in his eyes but great affection for the small blond welling up in his heart. Berwald felt like crying again as he watched his friend gently tuck his dying father in a little better. He squeezed the younger man’s hand back, nodding weakly. Since he was essentially alone, he took off his glasses and let a few tears roll down his face before hurriedly pressing his palms to his eyes, forcing himself to regain composure. He was able to calm down and put his glasses back on before Timo returned and he was thankful for that. He didn’t want to trouble the younger blond more than he had to. His eyes stung sharply again, though, when he saw the other man place the blanket over his mother’s shoulders. He blinked his tears back, taking in a shuddering breath. “Thanks,” he whispered gratefully, finally tearing his gaze away from his parents.

Berwald walked over to the table that Timo had put the tray on. He took his cup of coffee and drank deeply from it, not caring how empty his stomach was. He needed coffee. He drank nearly half of it before putting it back down with a small, tired sigh. The urge to simply sleep and forget his troubles momentarily was immense. He’d only gotten the awful news this morning but he was already so tired of hurting. How long would the pain last? Weeks? Months? Surely not years? But the bespectacled blond could not be sure. This was the first time he’d ever had to deal with the death of someone so close to him… He then couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the eventual deaths of other people he cared about so deeply. An irrational fear suddenly seized him. Would his mother be leaving him soon as well? He was aware that nobody could ever answer that question certainly but… he somehow felt that his mother wouldn’t be dying any time soon. And someone he was sure would stay with him even longer was Timo and he took great comfort in that.

“Ah, Mathias,” the tall blond said quietly all of a sudden, his expression becoming slightly exasperated. “Forgot ta tell ‘im,” he grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose where he could already feel the start of a headache. “’ve no idea how he’s goin’ ta take this,” he said, taking his phone out to text the frustrating woodcutter. “He an Fath’r ‘re close,” Berwald explained as he finished sending the short message. Just the thought of Mathias around in an already stressful environment encouraged him to take another swig of coffee. He couldn’t tell the older blond not to come, though. The woodcutter saw Emil and Atalie as his second parents.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

“Well, people get scared. I think a lot of people are worried that they’ll get sick again.” Timo frowned a little. Probably because he believed in the best in everyone, he didn’t understand it himself. He didn’t even consider that people might not like the hard work that was involved, and while a lot of it was emotional support, a lot of it was also cleaning up, changing beds, washing the sick, and other, less pleasant jobs. Timo didn’t mind that, but even he could see why some people would be put off by it. For him, it was just part of helping others, though. He brightened again when Berwald smiled, though, enjoying that.

It wasn’t hard to realise that Berwald had shed a few more tears while Timo was out of the room, but Timo didn’t say anything. Berwald had every right to cry, and it was better to do that then bottle it all up. When he looked at him so sadly, Timo felt like his heart would break. He held back from gathering Berwald into his arms again, instead giving him a reassuring smile. “I said I’d look after you.” He said once again.

Timo frowned as Berwald picked up his coffee without having had anything to eat. He wondered how long it had been since he’d had a proper meal. He remembered that sometimes it was hard to eat. At least, at first. Afterwards, Timo had found himself eating more and more, comfort eating. Some how he couldn’t see Berwald doing that. He came over and picked up the plate and stared at his friend while he typed, hoping that he’d notice without him having to say anything. When Berwald took another sip without paying attention to him, Timo frowned, and leant in. He took the cup from Berwald and handed over the plate. “Eat this before you drink any more, or you’ll end up with a stomach ache.” He said.

Keeping the coffee in his hand, Timo picked up his cup as well, and then very carefully balanced the plate with his flapjack in his hands as well. It was just as well he had plenty of practice at carrying too many things! Sitting down, he put Berwald’s coffee on the other side to the other chair so he wouldn’t be able to reach it without leaning over him. Once he’d eaten his sandwich he’d let him have it back. He took a long sip of his own coffee, curling his toes in pleasure. Melissa knew how he liked it – strong and black. “Will he come here?” He asked, frowning. “Has he been ill? If he hasn’t, he probably shouldn’t come here, you know.” Timo said, frowning. He was worried for Mathias, he didn’t want him to get ill as well, and since Mathias didn’t live in the city there was a fair chance that he wouldn’t have had it yet.

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

“Hn, tha’s reas’nable, I s’ppose,” Berwald said, nodding his head lightly. “S’jus’ tha’ no one’s had a relapse yet anyway so why not help out ‘f ya can? ‘ve been wantin’ ta fer a while now but…” he trailed off then, feeling rather upset with himself. He remembered thinking about how he’d definitely volunteer here as soon as he got better but, of course, things were different now. He had fully recovered from the flu this morning, yet that ounce of good had been completely overshadowed by the fact that his father had just reached the third stage. Ever since he’d laid eyes on his father, looking weaker than ever and covered in those awful sores, he hadn’t been feeling motivated to do anything the least bit productive. He certainly wasn’t feeling up to volunteering anymore. He couldn’t help other people when he himself needed so much of it.

The tall blond blushed faintly at Timo’s reassuring smile, realizing that it must have been obvious that he’d just cried again, even if it was only for a short moment. He nodded softly at his words, though, comforted to hear them again. Despite the feelings of guilt still lingering deep inside his heart, it felt nice to rely on the younger blond. He was so used to depending solely on himself during trying times but… this was okay as long as Timo was the one by his side. After all, he trusted no one else more.

“Ah,” Berwald said quietly in mild surprise as the small blond took his coffee away. He wanted his cup back but from the way his stomach was starting to turn, he knew that Timo was right. He accepted his plate obediently. “S’weird… Haven’t eat’n anythin’ since yest’rday but ‘m not hungry,” he muttered, picking his sandwich up anyway and taking a tiny bite from it. His stomach then did a weird flop, as though it was unsure about whether having food in it right now was a good thing or not. He watched the younger man put his coffee far out of his reach, most likely to ensure that he wouldn’t drink any more of it until he was done with his food. His tuna sandwich didn’t really taste like anything, though he was sure it had less to do with the food itself and more to do with his own taste buds. All the crying he’d been doing had left him rather sniffly after all. It was quite unfortunate because the inability to taste further discouraged him from eating. He sighed softly, putting his barely eaten sandwich back down for the moment. Honestly, it was almost like he’d forgotten how to eat properly, which was a bit of a surprise considering how large his normal appetite was.

“He’s had it ‘lready. Jus’ recov’red from the first stage a couple’f days ago. Tells me he’s been thinkin’f vol’nteerin’ here,” the bespectacled blond explained. He picked his sandwich up again and bit into it, chewing slowly. He found that he could taste it a little better this way. “Honestly, ’m kind’f uneasy ‘bout askin’ Mathias ta come here. I mean, he’ll come ev’n ‘f I don’t ask ‘im to but…” he trailed off uneasily, struggling to find the right words to express what he was feeling. “I jus’ don’t wanna make things worse or let 'em get out’f hand. I don’t wanna fight with ‘im t’day, ‘specially with you ‘round,” he mumbled tiredly. He already had so many negative emotions swirling around inside him, he didn’t need anger in the mix as well.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

Looking at Berwald, Timo gave him a sweet, slightly pained smile. Bless Berwald, he was so sweet, still thinking of volunteering after everything that had happened. “I don’t think you should right now.” He said, gently. “And I’m going to stop for a while as well. I want to help everyone, but you and your family are more important to me, so I want to look after you first.” He hoped that Berwald didn’t feel guilty about taking Timo’s help. Timo felt a little bad, but if he didn’t help Berwald then someone else would, so he didn’t allow it to linger. He’d already given a lot of his time to strangers, it was now time for him to give his time to someone even more dear to him. He just had to hope that Berwald trusted him enough to allow himself to rely on him, because that way Timo would be able to give him the rest that Berwald needed, and would need even more in a day or so.

Had it been when they first met up again, or when they were children, Timo probably would have quailed under the look on Berwald’s face, but these days he was so used to ignoring the rest of Berwald’s face and watching his eyes, that he hardly noticed the way his forehead creased, seeing the surprise for what it was. He didn’t back down, even though he knew Berwald wanted his coffee. It was for his own good after all. Nodding, he stroked Berwald’s arm lightly. “I think that’s fairly normally. Me and dad were like that for a while too. Even though it’s hard, though, you’ve got to try and eat, even if it’s just a little.” He was already thinking that he’d have to make sure that Berwald and Atalie ate lots of snacks throughout the day so that they’d eat more than they realised that they had. Since Emil was stage three now they’d be allowed to stay over night, and while Timo didn’t want to allow them to for their own sake, there was no way he was going to take them away for any of the time that they had left with Emil, but when they did go home, Timo would bake for them so they had things they could just nibble on.

“They could always use with more volunteers, especially people as enthusiastic as Mathias.” Timo said, watching Berwald, and when he reached half way through his sandwich he leant over and gave him his coffee back. Hopefully he’d at least lined his stomach now so his body would be able to deal with the strong liquid. Listening to Berwald’s concerns, Timo wrapped his arm around his friend again, staying close. “He will want to come and… and see Emil, and I’m sure Emil will want to see him too.” Timo pointed out gently. “But he doesn’t have to stay here. And I’ll be here, I’ll tell him to leave if he starts misbehaving.” He promised. “Or he can come in to see Emil and we’ll go for a walk while they talk. They might want some privacy anyway.” He pointed out gently. He did think that Mathias had a right to say goodbye though, with a small ache. He wished that he’d had that chance with his mother and grandfather. At least he would with Emil. Maybe that would make things easier.

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

Berwald couldn’t stop himself from staring at the younger blond in what was probably a mixture of awe, gratitude and slight mortification. Well, his face remained set in its usual stony expression but those were definitely the emotions coursing through him – and unbeknownst to the tall blond himself, his eyes were giving away what he was feeling anyway. His mind screamed at him quit staring so intensely, though. He didn’t want to scare his friend or anything. However, he found that he couldn’t quite look away yet, and it didn’t help that he’d basically been stunned into silence as well. The small blond’s words were just… a bit too much to grasp immediately. It wasn’t every day that someone blatantly prioritized him like this… and over so many other things, too! He felt guilty and selfish for pulling Timo away from helping others but he couldn’t help feeling happy as well. After all, the other man’s deliberate actions meant that he cared, and Berwald deeply appreciated him for that. But when he finally looked away, all he could manage was a small, sheepish nod of thanks.

The bespectacled man hummed softly at his friend’s words. He felt his heart pang at being reminded that Timo had once been like this, too… and as a child, no less. Too cruel, he thought to himself sadly. What he felt for the small blond was not exactly pity, though. With everything that was happening to him now, he was slowly edging closer to understanding the other man’s pain. Berwald actually had yet to be informed that he and his mother were now allowed to stay overnight. The volunteer who had led them to his father’s new tent earlier in the day didn’t say anything of the sort. Though, to be fair, he didn’t really talk much in general, as he had seemed rather keen to escape the intimidating atmosphere around Berwald as quickly as possible. The tall blond in question really would have liked knowing, though. Leaving the flu camp later to go home again was one of his current concerns. After all... his father didn't have much time left. He and his mother absolutely couldn't spend an entire night away from him.

“Hmph, he might end up doin’ more bad than good, though,” Berwald huffed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the thought of the woodcutter trying to help the sick. As far as he was concerned, having an obnoxious loudmouth in charge of taking care of you was the opposite of conducive to recovering from any kind of illness. The tall blond let out a small grunt of thanks at having his coffee returned. He took a small sip of the strong liquid before biting into his sandwich again. He was glad to note that his sense of taste was slowly coming back. Despite that fact, though, his appetite hadn’t improved the slightest bit. Still, he continued to eat, knowing it was for his own good. A tiny sigh of relief escaped Berwald’s lips as he felt Timo wrap his arm around him again. He thought it was kind of silly that he was hungrier for physical affection than food. He merely let out a quiet hum in response to the younger blond’s gentle words of reassurance but, on the inside, he was starting to feel much better.

The older blond suddenly froze when he caught movement in the corner of his eye. His mother was waking. Atalie stirred slowly, almost lazily. She lifted her head, obvious confusion etched onto her features as she took in the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She then focused her gaze on her sleeping husband and… started crying once more. Fear seized Berwald’s heart and he quickly rose to his feet, nearly dropping his plate as he carelessly placed it back on the table. But before he could take even one step towards his mother, she finally noticed him and shook her head lightly. After seeing her negative response, he didn’t dare move. An overwhelming sense of helplessness filled him as he clenched his hands into fists so tightly his knuckles turned white.

[Timo Väinämöinen]

“Maybe for some people, but I think some people need that kind of enthusiasm and energy.” Timo said, reassuring Berwald. “Especially if they don’t get many visitors. Some people get pretty depressed and you almost have to bully them out of that. I think he’d be good at that.” Timo had been told he was good at cheering people up at least, but he didn’t think that he was a bully. A gentle one, maybe. He didn’t allow people to wallow in their misery. Taking a small bite from his own flapjack, Timo figured he should lead by example, though he took another sip from his coffee after he’d swallowed as well, leaning in closer to Berwald. He was pleased that Berwald seemed to be relaxing somewhat, glad that he was helping him. Of all the people that Timo knew or had met, he felt that Berwald was the one who most deserved happiness.

Spotting the movement as well, Timo tensed, and then glanced at Berwald to see how he’d react. When he looked back at Atalie and saw she was crying, he thought his heart might break. How could he help when she was losing her soul mate, her most important person. Timo couldn’t think of any comparison in his own life – well, he could – Berwald sprang to mind. But of course that wasn’t the same. Was it? Either way, he wasn’t losing Berwald, but Atalie was losing Emil. Timo tensed when Berwald froze, and he stood up as well. He gently brushed his hand over Berwald’s, squeezing gently, reassuring him once again. However, Timo was used to people trying to lock him out, used to grieving husbands and wives, and he wasn’t scared or put off by Atalie’s expression. She could hate him for now, but it was his job to look after her.

Timo picked up the tissues from the side and brought them over, pulling one out and offering it to Atalie. He gave her a soft smile. Sometimes all people needed as a reminder was that there was still some joy in the world, even if it would be diminished. “We brought you a flapjack.” He said, gently. “I don’t want you to waste away. And you’re still recovering yourself.” His tone was still gentle, but also firm, as he offered her the plate. Atalie was like a mother to him, and he wanted to look after her, not just for Berwald’s sake, even if it meant being tough.

[Berwald Oxenstierna]

“Mm, s’ppose he would. S’nice ta know he’d be good fer somethin’ oth’r than choppin’ down trees,” Berwald said, shaking his head a little. “Bet yer bett’r at cheerin’ people up than he could ev’r be, though,” he added in a fond tone. He knew both of them well enough to be completely sure that he was right. He understood that Mathias was perfectly pleasant to people other than him but the woodcutter had an undeniably obnoxious, overwhelming energy about him. Timo was innately kinder and more considerate so it was safe to assume that it’d be easier for him to provide a brighter outlook on things for others.

Still, despite how Mathias was exuberant to an almost unbearable extent, it was definitely better than having the intimidating aura that Berwald naturally possessed. If things ever had to come to it, he knew that his intentions to help would be in the right place, but picturing himself comforting a bedridden patient was difficult. He was more likely to cause a sick person’s condition to worsen due to all the stress and fear he’d impose. He had to admit that it was a rather depressing thought. He didn’t mind it when people avoided him or openly feared him but not being able to help others because of something he had no control over… Well, it was a little hard to swallow. “’t’s sad. Ev’rythin’ tha’s happenin’, I mean. Jus’ thinkin’ ‘bout the flu an’ all the sick people makes me upset,” he commented offhandedly in a quiet voice. And there was even more to it than those who were unwell. He knew that there were others just like him, no longer sick but suffering still and struggling desperately to accept the same cruel fate bestowed upon their loved ones. It was all so unsettling. He wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone.

The older man choked back a pained sob as he felt Timo gently squeeze his hand. He vaguely wondered to himself how he’d managed to hold up so far without the small blond. He was certain, now more than ever, that he needed him to get through all of this. He watched his friend approach his mother, both dread and hope welling up inside his heart. His mother had yet to respond positively to any of his attempts to care for her but maybe… maybe she’d let Timo. He really hoped she would for her own sake. Realizing that someone had approached her, Atalie visibly jolted in surprise and snapped her head up to look at the young blond. It seemed that she had stopped crying out of sheer shock but her face was still streaked with tears. She didn’t return his gentle smile but she accepted the tissue, albeit a little reluctantly. She used it to wipe away the wetness from her eyes and cheeks before whispering a nearly forced-sounding 'thanks.'

“I-I’m sorry, dear. Let Ber have it, okay? I’ll go and get something for myself right now,” Atalie muttered, shaking her head softly at the plate in Timo’s hands. She shakily stood up, trying to ignore the unpleasant feeling of pins and needles in her legs. Despite her discomfort, she walked over to her son slowly, seeming determined to move around without aid. “Moth’r,” Berwald murmured with a pleading tone in his voice. “Look after your father, sweetheart. I’ll be back soon,” she said quietly. She then started moving away from him to leave the tent. Just as she was about to exit, however, she spoke up without looking back at them. “I’m… so sorry, you two. Timo, please… please watch over my son.”

[Timo Väinämöinen]

Blushing brightly at the praise, Timo looked at Berwald. He wasn’t sure if it was what he actually said or the way that he said it that made him so happy. The butterflies that were becoming so familiar when he was around Berwald had started up again. “As long as I’m good at cheering you up, then I’ll be happy.” He said, brightly, and as truthfully as ever. Maybe looking after everyone else had just been practice so that he was ready to care for Berwald as best as he could.

At least Atalie accepted the tissue, and Timo smiled hopefully. She looked so tired and drawn, he desperately wanted to take her home to sleep, but obviously he couldn’t do that right now. He didn’t want to think about what would happen when they did could go home either. It was too painful, even for him. He frowned a little when she denied the food, glancing back at Berwald helplessly. He wasn’t going to give up entirely, though. “Are you sure? We got it specially for you.” He said, encouragingly. “Ber already had a sandwich.” Although Timo thought that more would be good for him, Atalie needed to eat something too.

Timo just held back from his urge to help Atalie stand, clenching his hand a little, and watching her worriedly. He guessed that she had pins and needles from how she’d been sitting, and moved just a little closer, ready to catch her if she fell. He was pleased when she managed it though, relaxing a little more. Following her, he stopped at Berwald’s side, his hand once again finding his friend’s bigger, rougher one, this time lacing their fingers together. “Of course I will, but I’m here to look after you as well.” Timo replied, softly. “Please don’t go too far or take too long, or we’ll both worry.” He didn’t mean to baby her, but something about her tone worried Timo to his core. It was too similar to the soulless disregard for self that his father had used for months after his mother’s death. Timo swore to himself that he’d find a way to stop her from turning out like that – he wouldn’t let Berwald lose his relationship with his mother like Timo had with his father. Instinctively, he squeezed the taller man’s hand, moving closer into him so that they were standing more like lovers than friends, even though Timo didn’t think of it like that. “We’ll be waiting for you.” He told Atalie, finally, smiling at her even though she couldn’t see it.