|
|
Post by Atawhai Kirkland on Aug 4, 2011 4:10:43 GMT
"Matthew... do you feel okay?" Atawhai said while swinging slightly, the front of her boot softly grazing the patches of grass below her. She did something wrong, asking about his history. It was something that never should've happened to anyone. How could she make it up to him...? She shook her head to herself. She was supposed to show him a good time, but all she did was hurt him.
She was so useless.
She should just die. Right now. Just drop dead.
No, that would upset Matthew. Maybe once she got home... there's a sickle in the storage room, if she remembered correctly. She would be with Hoa and her parents once more, up in the clouds. Hoa and her parents would want her to live, to be happy. Atawhai looked up at Matthew and gave his hand a light squeeze.
She just thought about commiting suicide, and got over it in a matter of seconds.
And she still manages to smile.
|
|
|
|
Post by goldfiiish on Aug 11, 2011 4:52:31 GMT
(I am so, so, so, sorry about taking this long to write this.)
After some deep thought, Matthew found it may not have been so bad as he felt. After thinking hard on it for a bit longer, maybe he was ruining the life he was granted by feeling like he didn't deserve his life. He should be basking in the glow of sunlight just because of the fact he was alive and had the ability to enjoy things still. He should be working on making his family proud instead of hating himself for not being able to see their faces anymore. It didn't make sense the more he truly thought about why he didn't let himself be happy.
"I..." He paused to think. It felt dreadful to have thought about the events that happened so many years ago, but at the same time... refreshing. He'd never really told anyone about what happened and it felt good to get it off his chest. He had never felt like he could get over it, but something changed... Maybe it was just Atawhai, but he wanted to be happier, because maybe it wasn't worth it to be so depressed. It would take time, but maybe he wouldn't feel like this forever.
"I feel better." He nodded slowly. "Yeah... a lot better, actually. It feels weird to have said it, but maybe it's just really sunk in because of that." Matthew turned his head to look at his companion. Something was off at that moment about Atawhai, who seemed more upset than he probably did. "But... are you okay, Atawhai?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Atawhai Kirkland on Aug 12, 2011 2:18:39 GMT
(It's okey, she'll be a'right. :3)
"Huh...? Oh, yeah." Atawhai said with a smile. "I'm fine, Matthew. I'm happy you're okay."
Though she went through her life smiling, her real smiles were a rarity. There was a difference between her fake smiles and and her real ones, but it was very miniscule, very hard to see the difference.
Everyone thought all her smiles were real, so it didn't matter.
She never mattered, and it was fine. Atawhai was diagnosed with depression a few months after her Hoa disappearing. Turns out she ran out of her happy pills a few days ago.
And she hated going to the doctor's.
Nevertheless, Atawhai slapped on one of her smiles and petted Matthew on the head. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine."
Just dandy.
Atawhai shaked her head slightly. She needed to get these upsetting thoughts out of her head. It took a herd of sheep, a rainbow and an amazing sunset...
Happy now. Happy forever.
|
|
